the routine

solitude. its your own prison. mind games can be a bitch. and a lot of times can drive you to sleepless days and nights. you talk to yourself alot to try and have an outlet to keep sane. i realized a routine is necessary. wake up. get on the computer...do some research on my training method...big fan of old school training methods...so i like researching it and applying my own twist to it. i eat my first meal before i train. between the two i catch a nap in between. then i throw on my golds gym shorts...tshirt and tank and head to the gym which is five minutes away. i arrive there and usual..no one is there.


 a month ago..i would always meet up with my training partners....best part of my day. seein my brothers and killing it in the gym together. those days are gone. i come to an empty gym...dark...rust about...no one to impress here...in the shadows from everyone else to do what i want cause i can when no one is around to look. i place my belt and straps on the table...grab my headphones and fill up the jug of water. then i pray. yes. i'm a man of christ and i pray before and after i train. i only turn on half the lights in the gym cause that's all i need. i go full out for 90 minutes to an hour. i turn on the heat so i can get a full feel of hell. all those videos i watched of branch warren training in metroflex...i believe that's his own prison now that i understand it and live it. afterwards i go thru some poses using my phone which has be silent 99 percent of the time. i'm no longer waiting by the phone for someone to acknowledge my existence via text anymore. after i do some poses...i pray again and then i pack up and leave. the old days i would love goin thru poses with my bros and talk shit for a bit. again. those days are no more. go back to my apartment and get my next meal in. then i start prepping food for my shift at work while i'm eating. then i catch another nap before work. those pics i took. they stay on my phone. i may remember to send them out to a few of my bros but they understand the journey i'm on. i know if i send them its to motivate them...not for vanity or prove i'm about something. i wake up from my nap...finish prepping everything and be out the door 30min early so i'm not late clocking in at work. work 8hrs...grabbing three meals...nothing special. then i get home from work...spend some time on the computer doin some "side work" before catching an hour of study time. its 730am at this point. my study materials are five books...first is the bible. the second is a book called "anabolic muscle mass"...the third is joe weiders' book of bodybuilding...the fourth is golds gym training encyclopedia and the fifth is the anabolic primer. after an hour of study time..its time for bed...

this is my grind. this keeps my sane. keeps me from the constant reminders of things i've lost...the reason for my solitude...off days from work and training it gets harder to occupy myself but i get by some how but writing fictional stories. if there isn't a routine...i will lose this war to the demons in me. how long will i be in this prison? hard to say...but i would say til the opportunity presents itself for redemption. til then.....