my own prison

the bottom...that's where you struggle to exist. where you watch the world from a window in a mall. when your surrounded by the inconsistences and shortcomings of your own life as it compares to others. where things go when they are tossed aside to be forgotten. its very much like living in your own prison. except my cell is unlocked. i want to be tested. i want to prove myself. i want to be a living breathing freak of chaos...a physical side-walk smashing manifestation of just how pissed off i am at society and my almost primal hunger to become greater and stronger than it. i see shit in the world..either in my own life or in others that doesn't make me blind to the truth. doin whats easy is always the first and most likely the "better" option over doin what's "right". what's right usually requires some fuckin elbow grease..a little suffering and pain...and most importantly...time. no body likes that last part. time. why? in this fucked reality we live in...shit gets forgotten...for me that's where i've been. at the bottom. 

 

everybody survives...but no body lives. i've been here too many times in my life...doin what was necessary to get ahead. why? to exist to the world. i'm at the bottom again cause i don't care about the world anymore. not this one. not when you can get tossed to the bottom like trash at any moment by anyone...to only exist thru the eyes of the beholder. fuck that. why am i in my own prison? to feel my own heart beat...to see my own life pouring out in sweat and still hunger for more. to feel every fiber of my bein throb in pain and still want more. to be face to face with my own fears...and using my hate and disgust of the world to make it my bitch. to let that which has almost took my life become my own fuel that allows me to be numb to pain...to not prove..but to know i do exist...to grind every fuckin step beneath my feet everything that stands before me. to not have rules. to do what i want cause i can. 

i arrived at my own prison during the worst day of my life. this is the journey i take in solitude...cause only here...in my own prison...i confront my demons head on...facing my fear...accepting my own war....to exist first to myself when all i see is myself. to become greater than what this world has to offer....to do what i was born to do for me and to keep myself from everyone else...in the shadows...where no one will bother to look...but my cell is unlocked. 

welcome to my own prison.